I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
