i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
