you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
