First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
