Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
