8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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