We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize