it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
