ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We just shotgunned beers for America
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
