My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was like eating out sand paper
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
