ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
