Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
