You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
