oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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