my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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