Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
