New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
