census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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