you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
