Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
