the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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