At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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