I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Will exercising make me less horny?
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