I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
