my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize