I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
