i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
