did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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