Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
