I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
