very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
