my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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