We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
