Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
