i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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