I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
