There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
