Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
