So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to calm my uterus...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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