theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
