hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
