you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
