Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
