I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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