u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
