Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
