dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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