Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Couch. On fire.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
