I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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