i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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