Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
