dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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