She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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