omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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