and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
