whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone came in the potted fern
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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