I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
