I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
