Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
