he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
