pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
