May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
