Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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