the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
