:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
