I just cut my nipple shaving
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
