I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
