porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
