spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
