My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
