If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
