So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
