My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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