Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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