Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
