Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
