getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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