We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
