I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
