Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize