he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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