It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can text with my tongue
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
