Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i came on her dog
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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